3 posts tagged “action”
Today I was reminiscing about situations that occurred when the children were growing up and the discussions that ensued. I’m sure you’ve personally experienced situations like these as well and, in hindsight, wondered if you had handled them the best way possible.
Example: A co-worker is blaming you or is emotionally out of control and unleashing that emotion toward you in the form of what is basically verbal abuse.
What do you do?
(1) Yell and scream back at them
(2) Raise your voice even louder than theirs
(3) Walk away
(4) Talk calmly and try to get them under control
(5) Ask yourself: “what would I do if…”
No doubt, like me, you’ve utilized all those choices at some point. Did you notice which one worked the best? I originally told the children to simply ‘walk away’ since that’s what I was taught and it worked in my world. However, apparently, there are people who were taught that walking away during an altercation was rude. My children are mine through marriage and their mother was raised according to the second concept. You can see where this could cause conflict for the children. So, we had to come up with a solution that worked in both homes.
It was determined that
(1) You have no control over how another person acts or reacts around you
(2) You do have control over your personal actions and reactions as in, you make the choices of how you choose to handle any given situation
(3) You should always take the high road and set an example where possible
One of the best ways I’ve found to deal with a situation such as this is to say to myself: “What if this was my boss screaming at me like this – what would I do?” or “What if this was my little child – what would I do?” “What if this was my partner – what would I do?” Or, the best one: “What would Spock do?” (This one works wonders as it allows you to take the emotion out of the situation and then decide what to say or do).
Notice that when you consider ‘what would ___ do?’ that your attitude and possible reactions change dramatically. This can be a very useful tool for diffusing a situation such as the example. Over time, the person who reacts like that will start to change as well – generally they will stop that behaviour in your presence as it doesn’t get the reaction they want or expect (or, possibly, need at some level).
Consider the above the next time you feel like you’re going to ‘snap’. Take a deep breath, calm yourself, ask one of the questions in your mind and follow through with how you would react if it was that person. I’m betting you’ll experience a noticeable shift in your reaction to the situation.
Susan Crutcher, RRPr, CPTN-CPT, PHC
Life Empowerment Mentor, Health & Wellness Coach, Baby Steps to Success Expert
www.SueCrutcher.com; www.Sutopia.com
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Permission to reprint. This article (and all articles on this blog) is copyrighted by Susan Crutcher. You have permission to reprint this article in its entirety as long as you include the following credit with the article:
Susan Crutcher is the author of “Health & Wellness Made Simple” and is currently working on a series of self empowerment books which incorporate her baby steps to success theory. She is a life empowerment mentor, health and wellness coach, baby steps to success expert and motivational speaker, is certified in personal training and over a dozen complementary care modalities with over 30 years of teaching experience. Susan is manager of Greystone Retreat (a luxury rental home on Georgian Bay), co-founder of Academy of Holistic Modalities Inc (holistic education), editor of the Reflexology Registration Council of Ontario (RRCO) newsletter ‘In Touch’ and a founding member of the Grey-Bruce Spiritual Network (GBSN). Download and enjoy a free sample of her book at: www.SueCrutcher.com
One of the main reasons a person chooses to work with a coach is to reduce, change or eliminate an undesirable behaviour.
However, forcing a client into action when they are not ready can be a mistake and, in some instances, may cause them to regress. Sometimes, not taking action too soon may actually create better results for the client.
Coaches implement a variety of models, tools, formulae and processes individually and in combination while working with clients. As an example, The ‘Prochaska’ Method involves combining major processes of change (the ‘how’) with a six-step formula or stages (the ‘why’) that we all use for making a permanent change in our behavioural patterns. The combination of using processes and stages at the right time, and in the proper sequence, can dramatically improve the odds of a client making a permanent behavioural change.
After an incredible amount of research, James Prochaska determined that there are six stages that everyone goes through to create behavioural change within themselves. In his book, ‘Changing for Good’, Prochaska details a ‘revolutionary six-stage program for overcoming bad habits and moving your life positively forward’.
The stages are categorized as: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and termination. There are specific words or phrases that are used within each stage that give clues as to where a client is in their process.
Notice that ‘action’ is not the first stage. It doesn’t matter how many well-intentioned people within a client’s circle of influence suggest the client make changes. If the client is not at the action stage, forcing (or ‘encouraging’) at the wrong time, or in the wrong place, will make little difference in their behaviour. The client must evolve to the action stage of their own volition, in their own way and in their own time. The evolution may be very fast or painfully slow depending on each individual. Sometimes, the action level appears to be instantaneous, but it is rarely so under scrutiny.
So, how do you know what stage you are at?
When talking to others about a habit that either bothers you or them, what words or phrases do you use? Do you deny or resist using words such as “I can’t”? Perhaps you’re not quite ready to take ownership or responsibility but may recognize that there is an issue and say things like “I might”. If a person makes a public commitment to change, usually accompanied by “I will” they are almost ready to take action. In the action stage itself, which is the busiest and most focused, the person does things like: starts to modify their surroundings (remove all alcohol or sugary snacks from their home; not keep matches, lighters or cigarettes in their car or purse; increases their exercise level, etc.). They often start their sentences with ‘I am’.
Which stage are you at? Perhaps you have no idea but you would like to know. Contact a professional coach – they are trained to guide you.
Whether you would like to get in shape, lower your stress levels, eat better, stop smoking, manage a chronic health issue or deal with specific problem, a professional coach can help you.
There are many coaches available today – each with their own style, education, experience and unique personality. Find one that you are comfortable with, that you can confide in and trust. Ask about testimonials, credentials, rates and what results you can expect. A professional coach will do their best to answer your questions satisfactorily. Most coaches offer a short introductory session that allows an opportunity for both of you to determine if you are suited to work together toward a common goal.
Susan Crutcher, RRPr, CPTN-CPT, PHC
Life Empowerment Mentor, Health & Wellness Coach, Baby Steps to Success Expert
www.SueCrutcher.com; www.SueCrutcher.vox.com; www.Sutopia.com
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Permission to reprint. This article (and all articles on this blog) is copyrighted by Susan Crutcher. You have permission to reprint this article in its entirety as long as you include the following credit with the article: Susan Crutcher is the author of “Health & Wellness Made Simple” and is currently working on a series of self empowerment books which incorporate her baby steps to success theory. She is a life empowerment mentor, health and wellness coach, baby steps to success expert and motivational speaker, is certified in personal training and over a dozen complementary care modalities with over 30 years of teaching experience. Susan is manager of Greystone Retreat (a luxury rental home on Georgian Bay), co-founder of Academy of Holistic Modalities Inc (holistic education), editor of the Reflexology Registration Council of Ontario (RRCO) newsletter ‘In Touch’ and a founding member of the Grey-Bruce Spiritual Network (GBSN). Download and enjoy a free sample of her book at: www.SueCrutcher.com
This acronym is an excerpt from the book ‘Secrets of the Millionaire Mind’ by T. Harv Eker. At both the introductory evening (which is free and is often in a city within easy accessibility to your home) and the Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar, the trainer spends a substantial amount of time presenting this concept. It is an important one that many people do not realize or are simply not aware of its existence.
This acronym is to remind us how our ‘inner world’ is reflected or manifested in our ‘outer world’ or our perceived ‘reality’. The letters mean:
T Thoughts
F Feelings
A Actions
R Results
Therefore:
Our THOUGHTS lead to our FEELINGS which lead to our ACTIONS which equal (or produce) our RESULTS.
If you consider this for a moment, you will realize that it is a very simple equation for almost everything we achieve or do not achieve in life in all areas.
Quite often, we are unaware of (or so ingrained in a habitual saying or thought) this continual cycle within us. We have instananeous, automatic responses – they could be verbal, thoughts, emotions, physical sensation (sick stomach, headache) or a physical reaction that is instant with a specific stimulus. Examples: someone asks us for money, someone raises their voice to us; how you feel when you must speak in front of a group of people, when you want to ask your boss for a raise. In each of these examples, each of us would have individual and very different reactions at each level of ourselves. Perhaps you are a yabut – someone makes a statement, you agree then you automatically say “yeah, but…” (or any other constant verbage: uhhuh, hmmm, uh, but, not really…).
Take a moment to stop and think of your first reaction to each of them. Now, notice that this is an automatic response. Notice whether it is emotional, physical, another thought or a physical reaction. The noticing or awareness of this automatic response allows us to grow – to step outside ourselves in the instant and consciously determine our response.
In your day-to-day life this week, notice where some of these automatic reactions occur and what the stimuli are to them. The more we are aware of our patterning, the easier it is to change it.
To your continual growth…
Sue Crutcher, Life Empowerment Coach and Mentor
PS -- If you buy the book off the internet or sign up for anything through the book or Harv's website, I would greatly appreciate it if you used this tracking number anywhere the site requests where you heard about them or a reference -- #398949 -- it gives me 'points' which count as credit toward a future course for me.
