2 posts tagged “choices”
Today I was reminiscing about situations that occurred when the children were growing up and the discussions that ensued. I’m sure you’ve personally experienced situations like these as well and, in hindsight, wondered if you had handled them the best way possible.
Example: A co-worker is blaming you or is emotionally out of control and unleashing that emotion toward you in the form of what is basically verbal abuse.
What do you do?
(1) Yell and scream back at them
(2) Raise your voice even louder than theirs
(3) Walk away
(4) Talk calmly and try to get them under control
(5) Ask yourself: “what would I do if…”
No doubt, like me, you’ve utilized all those choices at some point. Did you notice which one worked the best? I originally told the children to simply ‘walk away’ since that’s what I was taught and it worked in my world. However, apparently, there are people who were taught that walking away during an altercation was rude. My children are mine through marriage and their mother was raised according to the second concept. You can see where this could cause conflict for the children. So, we had to come up with a solution that worked in both homes.
It was determined that
(1) You have no control over how another person acts or reacts around you
(2) You do have control over your personal actions and reactions as in, you make the choices of how you choose to handle any given situation
(3) You should always take the high road and set an example where possible
One of the best ways I’ve found to deal with a situation such as this is to say to myself: “What if this was my boss screaming at me like this – what would I do?” or “What if this was my little child – what would I do?” “What if this was my partner – what would I do?” Or, the best one: “What would Spock do?” (This one works wonders as it allows you to take the emotion out of the situation and then decide what to say or do).
Notice that when you consider ‘what would ___ do?’ that your attitude and possible reactions change dramatically. This can be a very useful tool for diffusing a situation such as the example. Over time, the person who reacts like that will start to change as well – generally they will stop that behaviour in your presence as it doesn’t get the reaction they want or expect (or, possibly, need at some level).
Consider the above the next time you feel like you’re going to ‘snap’. Take a deep breath, calm yourself, ask one of the questions in your mind and follow through with how you would react if it was that person. I’m betting you’ll experience a noticeable shift in your reaction to the situation.
Susan Crutcher, RRPr, CPTN-CPT, PHC
Life Empowerment Mentor, Health & Wellness Coach, Baby Steps to Success Expert
www.SueCrutcher.com; www.Sutopia.com
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Permission to reprint. This article (and all articles on this blog) is copyrighted by Susan Crutcher. You have permission to reprint this article in its entirety as long as you include the following credit with the article:
Susan Crutcher is the author of “Health & Wellness Made Simple” and is currently working on a series of self empowerment books which incorporate her baby steps to success theory. She is a life empowerment mentor, health and wellness coach, baby steps to success expert and motivational speaker, is certified in personal training and over a dozen complementary care modalities with over 30 years of teaching experience. Susan is manager of Greystone Retreat (a luxury rental home on Georgian Bay), co-founder of Academy of Holistic Modalities Inc (holistic education), editor of the Reflexology Registration Council of Ontario (RRCO) newsletter ‘In Touch’ and a founding member of the Grey-Bruce Spiritual Network (GBSN). Download and enjoy a free sample of her book at: www.SueCrutcher.com
Another concept from the T Harv Eker Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar….
The speaker draws a tree showing the trunk, branches and fruits as well as a line representing the earth and then the roots under the earth.
Broken down as simple as possible:
Your roots create your fruits.
Meaning (continuing with the T-F-A=R idea) whatever is within you (your thoughts and feelings) creates that which is outside you (your actions and, therefore, your results) in life.
You cannot have the roots of an apple tree and expect to magically grow plums or cherries on it. Or, you cannot expect a computer program to run differently if you do not make changes in the program itself. You can type a letter with a mistake in it, print it out and the mistake is there. You can go back as often as you want and change the mistake and print it out – the mistake will continue to be there unless you click ‘save’ before you print.
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The general concept is the same for our minds: unless you change the thought, the thought process and the emotion(s) linked to the thought or process, you cannot expect a different result. Yet, people do. They get trapped within loops. This ‘loop’ can make life very frustrating. We’ve all experienced it. We all know people who choose not to make changes and we know people, like our group here, who love the challenge of change.
This ‘loop’ is not generally by choice but, rather by lack of knowing there is a choice. Their upbringing, our surroundings, society, culture and many other contributing factors help to create who they become. Often, they simply do not know another way and by not expanding beyond their comfort zone they may be locked in their pattern for a long time.
We only change when we make the choice to do so. One of the ways to do this is through Life Empowerment Coaching & Mentoring utilizing the ‘Baby Steps to Success’ process. This allows each person to make individual choices that are simple to implement and not overwhelming. Over a short time, these little changes become ingrained as part of their lifestyle.
Sue Crutcher, Life Empowerment Coach & Mentor, Baby Steps to Success Expert
PS -- I'll be by everyone's site sometime this weekend for comments. Sorry for the delay ... I've been dealing with poison ivy, sunburn and a couple other issues all at once and, generally, not feeling like doing much. Better to have to cope all at once though, cuz then they're all over at once too!
